Year of Fear: The Year in Review

Well, it was about 12 months ago that I decided that 2016 would be the year that I would actively test my fears, looking back, it seems the Universe was working to test my fears as well. In any case, while this year has been challenging, and I’m fairly glad it’s over in a lot of ways, there was a bunch of good stuff that came out of it too.

One of the first things I did was join a Roller Derby team. Now, to be fair, I just participated in a boot camp program with every intention to remain on the team, but alas, team dues ultimately kept me from continuing. I still think this is pretty good, considering I had no skating skills, literally every other time (which was twice) I tried was an awful experience, and someone broke their ankle next to me on the third practice. It was really hard, I didn’t realize how out of shape I was/how big of a pain having asthma is, but it was great to see that I could do something I didn’t think I was capable of. I’m still really shaky on the skating thing, but I can actually move, and tbh just standing on skates was a pretty big step up for me from where I was before.

In addition to that I took an Introduction to Pole Dancing Class, something I completely forgot that I did before writing this. I’ve always been impressed by the strength that it takes to pole dance, and super irritated that such a feminine show of strength is often invalidated because of the sexuality behind it (although that’s not always present).

My friend Magoo and I went to a piercing studio, to get piercings (surprise). After getting my septum done I thought I was pretty much done with the whole paying a stranger to push metal through my body, but hey, I’m apparently not a psychic. 

I almost died because I decided to be a vegetarian, and subsequently I hardly absorbed any Vitamin D during a 6 month period, or so my doctor tells me. I then did a thing that I had recently become fearful of, which was to stop being a vegetarian. It’s interesting how into that thought process one can get, even when one’s body is failing under the dietary decisions. In all honesty, I didn’t eat as healthy as I should of (you mean you can’t have cheese fries for dinner, and nothing else?!), and I’ve always had a problem absorbing nutrients.

I took a chance on a second job over the summer that offered hanging out with cool international students, many of whom were from Australia, and that offered free travel.

I applied to be an RA for the internship program I went on, thinking I was a shoe in, and didn’t get it. It was super humbling, riddikulusly depressing, but a learning experience all the same.

I contacted some folks and then filmed at my favorite music festival here in Michigan, to see if I could help out with their video production, and was allowed to join the team. I filmed at the festival three of the four days that they offered it, and was payed in beer (!!) and t-shirts.

Oddly, I was extremely afraid of editing together video footage I got of my time in London because I thought that would close the chapter on my experiences there. But, I finished the video, and decided I wasn’t finished with the city.

I started to plan my first documentary, which I will be making during 2017. This involved research, reaching out to faculty members at my Uni, and, what was the most awkward, starting a KickStarter to ask people for money to fund my film. That didn’t go as I had planned it, and I never received any grants, but I decided to put up my own money to fund everything I needed, which meant beans and rice for food for awhile (also, baloney sandwiches).

I took my research from my documentary and presented it to a board of people to apply to give a public speech in 2017. I haven’t heard back from this yet, and I hope it works out, but the experience of applying and interviewing was immensely helpful with regards to my research in general, so I’m happy either way.

Lastly, I kind of kept up with this blog, which may seem like an odd thing to be afraid of, but my mind is generally something I keep to myself unless I feel a strong need to share it (enter: Misogyny, and HP fan theories). I’m getting better at accepting that I have too many important thoughts, that I can eloquently express, to remain silent. Something I’ll probably need to know in the coming year.

What are my resolutions for the coming year? To keep taking chances.


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